GTFO, self doubt!

To some people, it probably appears like I have my stuff together and in some ways I do. I pay every single one of my bills on time & above the minimum each month. I have a 401k and a savings account with a substantial amount in it. I clean my apartment every Saturday and I have two cats who are healthy, well fed and happy - except when I put Halloween costumes on them.

But I struggle with self-doubt every single day. I guess it could be borderline anxiety disorder, but I'd rather not diagnose myself. So much of it comes from work/my professional life/career, but there's some personal too. Professionally, I have insanely huge goals - I want to be the CEO/CIO of Apple or Google - and I think it's really good for me to have such huge goals because some days I feel like I can really get there. Other days, most days, I just sit and look at job postings of jobs a few levels higher than I am right now and sigh, only to realize it's going to take YEARS to get there.

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I was talking to an older, retired teacher and one of my fellow sorority alumni and I was telling her about my goals. That I don't see myself in Memphis for more than the next 3-4 years and that before I move back to Pittsburgh eventually, I'd love to go out to California for a little while, to Silicon Valley. I made a remark that I'm eons away from being even remotely smart enough to cut it there. Maybe it was the teacher in her or maybe it's because she doesn't understand the world of IT, but she went "NO! You're definitely smart enough! Go for it!"

For those on the outside looking in, you might think I'm the smartest of the bunch. And I am pretty smart, I won't knock myself down too far. But in the world of computers there's still so much I don't know, and so many people from CMU, RIT, Stanford, etc, etc that are so much smarter and more qualified to work in those positions. Especially heading out to California, the easiest way I can explain it is this:

Working in Silicon Valley in IT is like being an aspiring fashion designer from middle of nowhere USA to going to work in New York City for Anna Wintour (cue Devil Wears Prada, minus the happy ending). Or if fashion isn't your style (ha!), it's like a guy/girl fresh out of college who loves math gets planted on the NYSE floor trading for Merrill Lynch.

It's intimidating, scary and you're pretty sure they'll even eat your bones as a late night snack when they're done with you. 

How do I beat this though? How do I start going after my goals, full speed ahead? Sure I have my Bachelors and Masters, but in the real world outside of your first job they don't really mean too much (tell that to my $85k in student loans...). I know I just need to suck it up, be confident in what I know (& who I know) and go for it. Go for every opportunity and just say "screw it" if I don't know what I'm doing. Because that's how you learn. 

Sigh. Life was so much easier when all I had to think about was my Friday night flag team performance or studying my Spanish verb conjugation - which I still can't do by the way.

Do you struggle with self-doubt?

Am I just crazy (probably)?